Sex talk really has no place on a Catholic NFP list. Recently I wandered into an NFP discussion and found it to be one long complaint about all the physical sex acts that were not allowed during fertile periods. All I thought was FIRST, not one of those people had a clue about real intimacy and SECOND the discussion was almost pornographic.
The world is full of sex sex sex. Love is equated with the reproductive act, rendered sterile, and promoted as a right and this mentality has followed young couples right into the Church. So much so that young women have no modesty about discussing their sex lives on the internet with people they never met.
First, know this, no matter how long he holds his erection, how good he is with his hands, or how many orgasms he can give the girl– this is a MINOR good in the grand scheme of things and IS NOT WHERE REAL INTIMACY IS FOUND. Sex is a very very MINOR good. God wants better for every married couple. NFP isn’t unfair at all, NFP is a gift to help you learn something special.
NFP is an opportunity for unchaste couples to break out of a slavery to their hormones and discover REAL love and an intimacy so deep one need not touch nor talk dirty to blush with it. NFP is a GIFT to the couple so they can build the kind of deep intimacy that requires no touch and when it is mastered turns touch into something sublime.
These young persons, struggling with the discipline of NFP, didn’t even know what books to read! Near as I could tell they wanted a how to manual of physical positions and acts that were allowed while refraining from intercourse. WRONGO!
LOVE AND RESPONSIBILITY by our beloved Saint John Paul II is THE best book ever written on true intimacy between human beings. There is so much more to intimacy that what two people do when having sex that it makes the best multiple-orgasm look like so much dross. Real intimacy is so good that one could happily give up sex forever to get it.
Another recommendation I have for these young persons struggling with NFP is to buy the great big heavy book by Saint John Paul II, THEOLOGY OF THE BODY, and read it together. SKIP the books about the book–read the real thing.
Go review the Bible and read about Adam’s response to meeting Eve. Read about Rebecca’s modesty when meeting Issac. Look at the admonition of Proverbs 31, and the romance of Song of Songs– it is about great marriages and has nothing to do with the reproductive act we so glorify in this culture. Or drop in on this link to the John Paul II Institute.
If you are trying to follow Church teaching and use NFP to space your children, then get your brains out of the secular model of relationship and into God’s plan for real intimacy.
Dear Lord, thank you for the teaching and writings of Saint John Paul II. Please help young persons to take the time and put in the effort to gain the gift of true intimacy. +Amen.