I sit here upset at myself for eating off diet. I have this Way of Eating or WOE that works for me and I keep having days like today where I get derailed and fail to avoid the foods I don’t even want anymore. Blew my carb count AND my no grains. I suspect the sauce had sugar in it. All together, I failed. I hate cheating on my diet. I cheated on a diet I love. What. An. Idiot.
I LIKE my way of eating. Feel better ON this diet. Am clearer minded ON this diet. I considered fasting until we got home, but I know how my blood sugars tend to dip mid-afternoon and didn’t want to risk it. My plans for lunch fell through and I went through the drive-through. I need to take better control of our meals away from home.
I need to come up with a quick lunch to eat at the home school center BEFORE we head to the drum lessons. I’m not sure what, but something. I struggle with just getting us there, so attempting to add a packed lunch is going to be horribly difficult for me. Executive function problems do that to you. Everyone else out there appears to get it done without fuss or bother, but for me it requires the same effort as writing a dissertation. Actually, I suspect I could do a dissertation with less anxiety.
Cheating on my diet makes me feel ill. But old habits are insidious. They linger to pop up when your guard is down and sometimes you are not able to defeat them alone. Perhaps if I had paused to pray but I didn’t. My sense of time is poor, and so figuring out how to be somewhere on time is difficult. That stress derails my ability to think clearly. Result: I ate off the diet.
I made it to the drum lessons with fed kids. Then my little drummer needed the restroom, but thanks to people making messes in their bathroom it is now locked and an instructor or other employee has to let you into the bathroom, and nobody was available. I found this stressful, which didn’t help at all. Talk about overwhelm!
So here I am, feeling freaked out even though back in my nice office at home. Welcome to a fairly typical day.
Dear Lord, thank You that I was able to get my children to science classes and drum lessons on time today, and fed. Thank You for those teachers who handle subjects I prefer to delegate. Thank You for the vehicle that got us around town reliably. Thank you for the quality of the hay I was able to buy for Bill the Pony. Please help me to over-come old habits and stay on my diet. +Amen.