I read back over my blog posts from this year and think, “Wow, so much ambition, and so little accomplished.” This is only partly true. I haven’t lived up to my plan to blog more. Thought about it a lot but didn’t DO it.  I did a lot though, just nothing I’d planned.

We now have an American Heritage Girls Troop at our parish. This required a LOT of work by an amazing group of ladies who make up our ministry team. I’m honored to have spent this year working on this project with them. I have a lot of hope for the program. Although I am feeling quite over-whelmed by all of it. Our parish even added us to the page for Ministries with all the other youth scouting type programs.

Delegation has been a skill I have gotten to practice. I find I can be very happy delegating once I recognize that something will be better done by another person. I have my strengths, and weaknesses. Acting as the Troop Coordinator for TX1860 has been a good opportunity to grow for me.  I am seeing my efforts pay off in the girls beginning to work together better and better, the Unit leadership is settling into their roles, and the program gradually take shape.

My book languishes. I have the unfortunate super power of avoiding anxiety.  If I feel even a little twinge of anxiety I will avoid whatever is causing that emotion. Unfortunately this means I avoid many things I love because I have become anxious about them.  It hardly matters what caused the emotion, the result is avoidance and I am NOT happy about it. I am also at a loss as to how to face it down and win. I’m in a nasty cycle.

I’m also avoiding turning in an application for a substitute teaching position, and the same application marked for wishing to be considered for a full time teaching position–or part time if I get to teach theology! I feel anxiety and then I compulsively avoid even though getting paid to teach one of my favorite subjects in the entire universe is a dream job. Again, NOT productive, really stupid, and stuck.

Turning in applications and editing manuscripts are both acts of Hope, and I am meditating on and praying for an increase in the virtue of Hope, and here I find myself struggling.  The up side is I am aware of what is going on, which I used to not even SEE, but this isn’t correcting the condition!  I see that God is working on me. Forcing me to face where I do not live the virtue of Hope. I’m praying about it because I suspect I’m in need of supernatural help to overcome this difficulty.

I did get the bridge camera. Love it, and for some reason am so busy I am not finding time to use it. What is worse, I have not taken family pictures in ages! I need to do more photos and get some sent around to family. Perhaps I need to do a Christmas photo, in which case, I need to buy some red shirts and get someone else to hold the camera so we are all in one shot.

Goals: application in, book editing happening, and photos to share from my camera!

Dear Lord, Thank you for the new good things in our lives, and please help us all to grow in the virtue of hope and act on it. +Amen.